Is it worth it?

I was playing guitar with Wan and Adi last night and after Adi's left, we had a discussion about those who sought to have a 'taste' of things so that they won't regret that they never tried it.

They'll grow older and would say, "Well, at least I've tried this or I've tried that... and I have no regrets not trying it."

Well, that maybe true for some things, like going on trips, or adventures or these kind of things. But what if they tried.. so called tried... things that would scar them.

The range of seriousness in this matter varies. To some, trying smoking would be considered as a serious venture while to others, following a cult/gang that conducts weekly orgies would be a serious venture. So the object does not matter. What matters is whether it's worth to 'try' stuff which you know is best left untouched, but curious to know how it feels like.

On one hand, you could say, yeah, I've done this before... and I learnt that it's not as good as what I perceived it to be. But on the other hand, you'll be feeling, why did I even do this stupid thing. I'd be better off NOT knowing how it feels like.

Personally, I've tried things I'm not proud of. Again, the degree of how heavy the things are are only perceived individually. So, if I say what the things I did are... people might just say, chey, is that all you did? That's nothing... or others might say, Damn! You actually did that? That's some shit you got yourself into. Thus, there's no point in mentioning the things which I've done which I'm not proud of. Still... I have regretted even trying such things. Because it's a memory that'll never go away.

Yes, curiosity, among many many other factors had led me to commit such acts. Haha... commit. Such a word makes it sound even more wrong than it is. Anyway, I, like many others, have been thinking along the lines of; 'at least later on in life, i can say, or I know that I've tried this and this. Instead of wondering what it feels like.' However, the remorse, regret, immense stupifying of self, and utter bitterness made me realise... it is NOT worth knowing.

We're given a brain, a heart, a soul to decide whether something is worth doing or not. We see the prerequisites, the action, and the consequences and we use these to weigh our choices. There will be people... or things... that'll influence us and blind us from reason. But if we were to just look the other way, just for a second, and consider the safer alternative, we could avoid the pain and regret.. or worse... the ecstacy and addiction... of it. But then again, how could we avoid the bad path if we don't know how the pain at the end of the road would be like, or how lost we would be in the end, so lost that we'll long for the crossroads to come again and make the right choice.

Those things i've tried... I came to realise it was all stupid and misguided. I have regretted them and even so, the memories still haunt and mock me. And then comes along friends of mine who is about to go, or was already taking, the road I've taken. To those who have not entered the scene, I would recommend them to stay out, for it is not fruitful to continue the path. But those who are already in, and enjoying it... I can only hope that one day, they'll snap out of it, and NOT be further lost within the twines that had grabbed them.

As for me... there are too many things that I've never experienced and there's a little bit of curiosity to how it feels like. Some things are too far off measure for me to even consider and the better judgement of me had decided it's clearly not worth doing. But those more subtle, gray areas are more dangerous. As for those things I've already done... I could do nothing but keep the regret in my head, and not let the cursed pleasures of it return and control me... such that I would return to it.

Again, what exactly I have done does not matter. It's how I must make ammends to correct the incongruencies of my life.

With this... I end this entry.. with the quote of the day:
"Everything that has a beginning, has an end"